Jerry Springer
by Ritz the freak
Summary: Cloud is summonded to the greatest daytime show in the world. But Why?
1. Chapter 1

Jerry Springer: FFVII

Cloud sighed as he prepared himself for the most toughest thing he had ever done, appear on the Jerry Springer show. Tifa had said she had to say something to Cloud on this show. So Cloud got ready for this, sword in hand. A security guard went over.

"I'm sorry sir. But you can't have that here." He said. Cloud nodded and put it down. The red light blinked, signaling him to the stage. He walked into the stage to the shouts of, "JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!" He sat down on the cushy seat he was offered.

"Welcome to this episode of Jerry Springer. On today's episode we have Cloud here. But apparently his girlfriend Tifa wants to tell him something important." Jerry said with his usual voice. Cloud got up.

"HEY! Tifa is not my girlfriend. "Right sport. We know." Jerry said, ignoring the Chocobo head. "So anyway, Cloud, is that a nickname?" Jerry asked. Cloud sifted in his seat. "Um, no. My mother gave me that name." Cloud said. Jerry nodded. "And how does that make you feel?" Jerry asked. Cloud shrugged. "I think she called me Cloud cause…-" "Oh, wait! Tifa wants to come and tell you her secret." Jerry said.

Tifa came out as the crowd booed at her. She looked confused.

"What did I do?" She asked the crowd. One man in the crowd held up and poster with his phone number for her. Tifa wrote it down quickly and put it in her pocket. She then sat down. "Okay then Tifa. Tell us about your abnormal breast size." Jerry said. Tifa looked at him, confused. "I thought I was here to tell Cloud something." Tifa said. Jerry sighed. "Fine then, tell Cloud what you need to say. Then tell us about your breasts."

Tifa turned to Cloud. "Okay, Cloud Aeris is not dead." Cloud's eyes widened. "I'm sorry. What?" He asked. Tifa shook her head. "Yes, Aeris is not dead. She faked her death so she could get away from you." Cloud shook his head in disbelief. "But why?" Tifa smiled "Cause she and I are together." Seeing this as his cue, Jerry woke up. "Okay then, time to bring out Aeris."

Aeris came out, waving to the crowd who booed her. She started to cry as they threw birth control at her. Aeris sat down on the chair. Tifa went over and sat on her lap to kiss her. The crowd cheered at the lesbian moment. Cloud stood up. "GODDAMNIT TIFA, just like with Zack!" He said, picking up a chair and throwing it at Tifa. Jerry ignored the fight to turn to his viewers. "Okay, lets take a commercial break. Until then, take care of yourselves."


	2. One Winged hell

Jerry Springer: FFVII

The commercial was over soon after The sercurity guards got Cloud to stop humping Aeris while she was making out with Tifa. So Cloud was okay. Jerry came back from his dressing room. "Okay then before we came to a commercial, we found out Tifa and Aeris are both together and Aeris faked her own death to stay away from Cloud, who has problems forgiving himself for her fake death. Now, Cloud, how do you feel?" He asked the sobbing man. Cloud looked up. "Go to hell." He said, before a fresh sob came back.

"Okay then, before we go on-" One winged Angel played as Sephiroth came into the studio. People cheered as he went onto the stage. He waved, getting a lot of women to flash him. Cloud stood up, reaching for his sword that wasn't there. "Hey! How come he gets his sword and I don't?" Cloud asked. Jerry shrugged. "I don't know but I need a drink."

Sephiroth went over to Tifa and Aeris and grabbed them both.

"These ladies are coming with me." He said over both girl's screaming. Tifa and Aeris fought as Sephiroth started to walk away. "Why should we go with you?" Aeris asked, looking innocent. Sephiroth smiled. "Well ladies, I'm just the kind of man that just gos DOWN." He said Tifa and Aeris both glomped him. "Oh sephiroth, take us with you." They begged. Sephiroth smiled slightly as he carried his new Hoes away. Before he could, Reno ran in.

"Wait, I have to tell Tifa something." He said. The women who were with him before ran over to cling to each of his arms. "What!" Jerry screamed at the Red-haired man. "Tifa, I'm pregnant with your child." Reno said, holding his stomach. The women at his side cooed, "poor baby" into his ear. Tifa gasped. "No, its Aeris's child." Tifa said. Jerry went over. "Really Reno, Tifa is not the father or uh, mother. Its Cid. Come on in Cid." Cid came in with Boos all around him.

"Aw, go Fuck yourselves." He screamed at the audience. Reno ran away as Cid ran after him. "Wait Reno! Don't hurt the baby." He screamed. Sephiroth ignored the men and carried Tifa and Aeris away, leaving Cloud and Reno alone. Reno turned to Cloud. "Will you be my babies daddy?" He asked. Cloud shrugged. "Okay."

Jerry watched the two men make out, disgusted. "Well then, that ends this episode of jerry Springer. We learned that some things aren't always as they seem. And remember, Take care of yourself." He looked away as Cloud and Reno danced around naked singing 'I feel pretty.'


End file.
